How Grandparents can help a Grandchild with an Eating Disorder

Today is Grandparents Day and I wanted to take a moment to recognize all of the wonderful grandparents of grandchildren with an eating disorder. In my time treating eating disorders in Columbus, Ohio I have seen many grandparents who are heavily involved with their grandchild’s eating disorder treatment. We live in a world where grandparents are sometimes raising grandchildren on their own and I have seen how difficult that can be when an eating disorder is added to the mix. Grandparents living near or far can support their grandchild with an eating disorder in many ways and today I wanted to not only thank grandparents for their love and support, but also to give them tools to help their loved one.

This article is for you if you have a child with an eating disorder and want to know how to get your parents involved or want help in setting boundaries. It is also for you if you are struggling with an eating disorder and want help from parents or grandparents. And it is especially for you if you are a grandparent seeking help in how to support your loved one with an eating disorder, no matter their age.

The first thing on the list of ways to support a loved one with an eating disorder is:

-Let them know you are there for them

When I say this, there is a reason I didn’t just say, “be there”. I actually encourage you to communicate to your loved one that you are supporting them and you are on their side against the eating disorder. This might mean communicating to the child’s parents or directly to the child themselves. It can be extremely overwhelming to get a diagnosis of anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa or other specified eating disorder. When that happens, parents and child might decide not to tell family right away. They need time to process and figure out the next steps in treatment of an eating disorder. When the family does tell you about the diagnosis, what they need is listening and support without judgement or hurt feelings. It is easy and understandable to have an initial reaction of hurt if the family withheld the diagnosis from you for a period of time- I encourage you to share that hurt with someone else, and present as empathetic and understanding to the family as you can. They are managing so many emotions right now and they do not need to be managing yours. Some things you can say when you find out your grandchild has an eating disorder diagnosis:

-“I am here to help you in whatever way you need”

-“you can call me anytime, when things get hard or just to laugh”

-“I’m so sorry you are going through this, I am here to help”

-“I am happy to watch the other kids when you need to go to treatment”

-“I would love to get any reading materials you have so I can learn more about eating disorders”

-“Let me know if there are any ways we can be involved in treatment that would be helpful”

-“I want to clean and do laundry for you once a week while you are focusing on helping your child”

There is no perfect or right thing to say 100% of the time, but it is important to be free of judgment and advice. That comes to my tip #2:

-Be mindful of comments or judgements that could be hurtful

Eating disorders already carry a stigma in society- the last thing your child or grandchild needs is to feel stigmatized in their own family. Make sure to not make any comments about their weight or size- eating disorders come in all body shapes and sizes. A person does not have to be underweight to have an eating disorder. Eating disorders are genetic, with societal and biological inputs. There is no one thing that causes eating disorders. A simple comment about weight or appearance can stick with your grandchild for years, making it more difficult for them to recover and develop positive body image. If you want to make them feel better or compliment them, try

-giving them a hug

-praising them for an achievement

-asking about their interests or hobbies

-a warm arm around the should or pat on the back

-a nice card or small gift

-telling them you love them

-complimenting something kind you saw them do for a family member

-do a craft or watch a family movie together

There are many ways to let someone know you love them and make them feel good without focusing on outward appearance. Begin by noticing how much you and others do this in daily life. You will be shocked on how society focuses on and discusses other’s appearance.

Advise #3 is

-Learn all that you can about eating disorders, from reputable sources

Eating disorders carry a lot of misconceptions and misinformation in society. This might be your first experience knowing someone with an eating disorder diagnosis (though you likely have known someone with an eating disorder, just didn’t know it). Take the time to educate yourself on your own, without putting pressure or burden on their parents or child to educate you. They have enough on their plate already, they do not have time to educate you. By doing this, you will show your family that you are supporting them and care about helping them. You can find resources on websites like FEAST.org or NEDA.org. You can also join support groups online. It is OK to ask the family if they have any resources they recommend, as they will likely be getting reputable ones from their eating disorder treatment provider in Columbus, Ohio.

Eating disorder diagnosis in a child is a scary and overwhelming time. It may mean hospitalization or residential treatment. It will likely always mean increased doctor visits, medical concerns and months to years of treatment. Your family will need your support consistently over the course of treatment, both emotionally and logistically. The most important advise I can give you is to take the time to do your inner work on weight stigma and body image so that you are not harming your grandchild by passing down diet culture influences through generations. A great book to help with this is Anti-Diet by Christy Harrison.

If you have a child or teen in Ohio who is dealing with eating concerns, please visit my site to learn more about eating disorder treatment in Ohio. I provide virtual eating disorder therapy services from Columbus, Ohio and work with teens and young adults in college. I treat anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa in adolescents in Ohio.

Schedule a free consultation call.

This blog is intended to be educational and informational and does not substitute for professional medical and therapeutic help, which is highly recommended when treating an eating disorder. If you would like help treating your child’s eating issues or want to learn more, Schedule a free consultation call today.