Self-Compassion Strategies for Thanksgiving Day
Thanksgiving Day can be filled with warm memories, joyful connections and practice of gratitude. It can also include painful family memories and dynamics, change, and sometime a lot of stress. Add into that someone struggling with an eating disorder or body image and you are sure to have a day filled with difficult mixed emotions. This post is to help anyone who is human, who is struggling with an eating disorder or disordered eating or body image. On difficult days, it is so important we practice self-compassion. Self-compassion is the practice of being kind to ourselves and talking to and treating ourselves as we would a good friend. It was written about by Kristen Neff and you can read more about it here.
I want you to have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday and employing some of these strategies can help you navigate and get through a difficult day with less stress and anxiety than you may have had in previous years. Diet-culture and media influences and messages around the Thanksgiving meal most certainly impact our thoughts and feelings about this day and that cannot be ignored or understated. We also know that Thanksgiving has it’s roots in colonialism and oppression and this also cannot be ignored or discounted as impacting us during this day. It is important to acknowledge this-whether we celebrate it or not, and explore the impact this has on our thoughts and feelings about the holiday. It may be helpful to journal about this and how it relates to your experience or history with celebrating Thanksgiving.
1) Journal
Take as little as 10 minutes and write freely about your feelings about Thanksgiving without judging or evaluating your writing- just get your feelings down. Writing things on paper can help us release them from our mind so they are not taking up so much space. It can also help us become more clear about our thoughts and where they are coming from so we can decide what we want to do with them.
2) Practice mindfulness
Time with families can be tricky- a lot of us go back to old behavior patterns we had as a child and forget the coping skills and progress we’ve made. Practicing mindfulness before seeing family can help us to be more present and remain calm if something triggering happens at the Thanksgiving meal. This can look like meditation, a mindful walk, mindful coloring, guided meditation from an app, or yoga.
3) Have an “after Thanksgiving” plan
Having something to look forward to can help you get through a difficult time. Knowing that you are going home to watch your favorite Christmas movie and light a new candle can be all you need to tolerate comments from Aunt Bertha. Consider reaching out to friends to make evening plans-they may be dealing with a tough day as well and having that support can be helpful for both of you. You could even make it a get-together or party where you bake Christmas cookies or play board games. If friends aren’t available, make sure you get creative with something you can look forward to. Even something small like a show you’ve been saving, new pajamas or your favorite drink can be something to keep you future focused and remember this meal is only temporary.
4) Write down kind phrases
Self-compassion involves talking to yourself the way you would to a good friend when they are going through a tough situation. We are often far more harsh and critical when talking to ourselves than talking to those we care about. Research has shown that beating ourselves up is not a good motivator. Some think, “if I’m not hard on myself, I will never accomplish anything, I’ll just be lazy”. Not true! Self-compassion has been shown to be a better motivator than criticism and without all of the negative side effects. Practice self-compassion by writing down what you would say to a good friend who is struggling at Thanksgiving. What tone of voice would you use? What words would you use or not use? Would you give them a hug or a hand squeeze? Now compare this to how you would talk to yourself during a difficult meal. Take some of the key phrases and components of what you would say to your friend and repeat them as mantras to say to yourself if you are struggling during the Thanksgiving meal. Offer yourself a compassionate touch over your heart or a squeeze.
5) Don’t beat yourself up for beating yourself up!
Self-compassion might be very different from how you have talked to yourself your whole life- it won’t change overnight! It takes time to learn new skills and put them into practice regularly. We also know that in situations of stress, we go back to our old coping patterns because that is what we are used to. All that said, be forgiving if you hear yourself talking negatively to yourself at Thanksgiving and offer yourself compassion in the moment! Don’t punish yourself for getting worked up or in an argument with family members. Be patient and know you are learning and growing as a human each and every day- and that is part of the greater human experience! Part of self-compassion is knowing humans are all struggling and going through difficult times- so you are not alone in your struggles.
Most of all- know that you must do what is best for you and your mental health. That may mean leaving the meal early, or not going at all. That may mean going to one side of the family, but not the other. Feelings may get hurt in this process, but boundaries are important and people will learn to accept your boundaries with time (or they won’t-let’s talk about that in therapy). It is OK to bring a comfort item to Thanksgiving if that is what will help you! It is OK to send a card and visit family individually on another day of the year- whatever you need is OK.
Navigating eating disorder treatment during the holidays can be daunting. If you need help along your journey, please reach out to schedule a free consultation call.
DISCLAIMER: The advice on this blog is for entertainment purposes only and is not indented to be medical or therapeutic advice.